A special Recipe for Rudy Giuliani - Moose Turd Pie

For sheer hutzpah and stupidity, there's Rudy Giuliani's speech at a Scott Walker rally that President Obama does not love America, because "He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.”

Besides having the least little tinge of racism, on its face this is an outrageous slanderous thing to say, especially coming from a former mayor of a major (if not THE major U.S. City, New York). You might not agree with everything the President says and does (I certainly don't, but I suspect for very different reasons than Mr. Giuliani), but to say that means he doesn't love his country is off the rails.

I love my country and I find fault, lots of fault, with it. I don't believe we are the greatest in the world. If so, we'd have universal health care, housing programs that work, a decent living wage for all workers., better environmental regulation; we'd be working harder toward erasing income inequality, racism, sexism and ageism.

We'd be more like Sweden, maybe. Saying the President doesn't love his country because he wants to make some changes is like saying a parent doesn't love their child because she wants him to stop being a bully, get better grades, clean up her room or a dozen other things that every sane parent complains about every day.

I love my dogs, but  wish they'd stop eating poop off the street.

All of which brings to mind a culinary treat I would love to serve up to Mr. Giuliani and his ilk.

Moose Turd Pie, made famous in the song/story of the same name by U. Utah Phillips, the Golden Voice of the Great Southwest, who I had the pleasure to meet and to hear this song and others about riding the rails, unions and unrequited love.

Here is the man himself telling how he came to make a moose turd pie. (Read all the lyrics to the song, a sort of talking blues, here)  The background is working on a railroad line, hard labor, with the men, none of them knowing anything about cooking, taking turns cooking up the grub. If you complained about someone's cooking, you go the next shift. It was Phillips' turn this day. (Yes, this is an apocryphal story, but it's a good one.) Enjoy.


       "I sallied forth over the muddy river. I was walking around among the sheet grass and the bunch grass, and I looked down, and there was just a hell of a big moose turd. Biggest damn moose turd; that was a real steamer! I looked down at that meadow wafer, and I said to myself "Self, I'm going to bake up a big moose turd pie." Because if anybody complained about my cooking, they were going to have to cook. So I tipped that pasture pastry up on edge. I got my **** together, so to speak. And I started rolling it down towards the old cook car.

       "BALUUMP! BALUUMP!

      "I got it down there and leaned it up against the side and I climbed up in the cook car, and I baked a hell of a big pie shell. And I baked that moose turd in as slick as you please. And I cribbed it with my thumbs, and laid strips of dough across it, & garnished it with a sprig of parsley, a little paprika. It was beautiful; poetry on a plate. And I served it up for dessert, waiting for the first hint of a complaint." 

     "Well, this giant dude comes in, about 5 foot 40; I mean he was big. Throwed himself down like a fool on a stool. Picked up his fork. Took a big bite of that moose turd pie. Well, he threw down his fork, and he let out a bellow, and he yelled..

     '"My God! That's Moose Turd Pie! ... It's Good, Though!"'

If you want to make some for yourself, try this actual edible version, compliments of http://www.quiltingboard.com/recipes-f8/i-need-recipe-moose-turd-pie-t222070.html:

Make a brownie crust. Bake and cool.
Make a chocolate pudding, and mix it with whipped cream for a fluffy mousse-like filling.
Stir in a bunch of mini peanut butter cups (or chocolate covered caramel balls or chocolate covered peppermint patties). You could also add some coconut and/or chopped nuts or any other delicacies you think would win the men over to declare your offering THE winner!!!
Pour into pie shell. Chill.
Drizzle chocolate and butterscotch over top in a grid like or circular design.
Edge around the pie crust with whipped cream.

Cold Weather Political Stew

If you are on the East Coast, or even in the deep south, according to the weather man, and you have any kind of special election coming up, you might enjoy a cup of this when you get back from stumping. In California, you might enjoy a cup of this real recipe, actually called Political Chili Pot (Yum!), after a long day of precinct walking for Joan Buchanan or Susan Bonilla, two women vying for the State Senate seat left vacant by Mark DeSaulnier's election to Congress in November. (Oh, yes, there is one man, Steve Glazer, in this special March 17 primary. Oh did I mention that all three are Democrats? Redistricting!))

It does get cold after dark, even in the San Francisco Bay area.

It is February after all.

So have your non-walking volunteers, husbands or boyfriends, keep a pot of this on the stove for those post-walk debriefs back at campaign headquarters. Your tummy and your volunteers will thank you!

POLITICAL CHILI POT

1/3 c. vegetable oil 5 med. onions, sliced 3 lbs. ground beef 2 tbsp. chili powder 1 tbsp. salt 2 cans kidney beans 1 tsp. paprika 3/4 tsp. Tabasco powder 1/4 tsp. oregano 2 cans tomatoes 1 (16 oz.) can tomato paste Heat oil in 6-8 quart saucepan and add onion, cook until tender but not brown. Add ground beef, sprinkle with chili powder, salt, paprika, Tabasco powder, and oregano. Cook until meat is brown, breaking up with a fork. Add tomatoes and tomato paste. Cover; simmer 45 minutes. Add kidney beans, simmer 15 minutes longer.

Ingredients for a successful politician: "Inflating the truth?"

Oh, that zany Willie Brown, former Speaker of the California Assembly, former Mayor of San Francisco, now a lobbying whiz and bon vivant around town, seen at all the best parties, and dishing out advice and sage homilies.

His latest bit of wisdom comes in an almost hidden paragraph in his regular S.F. Chronicle column this Sunday. Talking about the trouble that Brian Williams seems to have got himself in by stretching the truth into tall tales, he all but comes right out and says that is that it's ok for politicians to lie. I quote:

"NBC News anchor Brian Williams’ biggest mistake was trying to be like a politician.

"Inflating stories to make ourselves look better is just part of the job. And for the most part, the public accepts our doing it. But unlike journalists, credibility isn’t a politician’s stock-in-trade. Our job is to get the job done and deliver the goods for the public." 

Getting the job done, "delivering the goods for the public" is of course laudable. And what our politicians should do, but do we really think it's ok to lie, exaggerate, "inflate the stories?"

This is not the advice I give my clients, please be assured. And when they get caught in a lie, they better not quote Willie Brown that truthfulness is not an ingredient in their recipe for success, or they may find themselves out of a job.

Here's  recipe I found called (Seriously!)  POLITICIAN DELIGHT  (Just don't try to pass off the chocolate pudding mix and cool whip as your homemade chocolate mouse and whipped cream.)

POLITICIAN DELIGHT

CRUST: 1 c. flour 1 stick of butter 1/2 c. chopped walnuts or pecans Mix like pastry, press in a 9 x 13 size pan, firmly. Bake in a 350 degree oven 10 to 12 minutes until light brown cool. FIRST LAYER: 1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese 1 c. powdered sugar Beat until fluffy. Fold in a medium carton of Cool Whip, spread on crust. SECOND LAYER: 2 sm. packages of instant chocolate pudding 2 1/2 c. of milk Mix together, spread over first layer. THIRD LAYER: 1 sm. medium carton of Cool Whip Spread over second layer. FOURTH LAYER: Spread toasted coconut or walnuts over third layer. 1 cup of either one. Chill cut into squares or freeze.

Deja Vu on the Campaign Trail

It's always the same. You sign the client, you start the work, you send for their approval. They don't read their emails. Communication breakdown. Frustration all around.

No. 1 pet peeve: clients who fail to communicate and then kvetch when the website is late.

Lesson for the consultant: Call them, text them, carrier pigeon them with messages to Read. Your. Emails. How else can they see the draft material you need approved?  The artwork you need oked? The questions you have that go unanswered?

Lesson for the client: Read your email. It's the fastest simplest way for us to communicate with you. To show you what we're doing and to get your approval. Then we can talk.

So this is what I recommend: Set a schedule, emails once a day must be checked and responded to. Texts should be checked more often as more urgent. A regular (daily, every other day, weekly) phone call needs to be arranged, as well as regular meetings, weekly or bi-weekly to make sure you, the candidate, the kitchen cabinet and staff are all on the same track and the campaign train is chugging along toward victory. 

In Every Race, the Incumbent Defines the Campaign

Whether for good or bad, positive or negative, if there's an incumbent, that's what the race is all about. (Even if not, the voters will be thinking about what they liked or didn't about the last person to hold this seat).  Read this insightful article from fellow blogger Jason Chambers of Campaign in a Box Reprinted with permission.

In every election, the incumbent defines the race

January 15, 2015

To an extent.

I'm a big advocate of reading about other campaigns to learn about how to run your own. In that vein, I recently read Game Change, which chronicled the 2008 presidential election. It's a great read if you're interested in how campaigns work, particularly at the presidential level. It is particularly helpful in understanding how candidate's messages are perceived by voters.

Back to the assertion that in every election, the incumbent defines the race. On page 64 of the book, the authors John Heilemann and Mark Halperin write:

[Obama strategist David] Axelrod had a complementary view, which he laid out for Obama. In every election, Axelrod argued, the incumbent defines the race, even if he isn't on the ballot. Which meant 2008 was going to be defined by Bush. And given the enmity that the president had inspired in the Democratic Party, Axelrod went on, the overwhelmingly liberal primary and caucus electorate would be hungry for a candidate representing the sharpest possible departure from 43: one who promised to be a unifier and not a polarizer; someone non dogmatic and uncontaminated by the special-interest cesspool that Washington had become; and, critically, someone seen as a staunch and principled opponent of the war raging in Iraq. Now, who had a better chance of being that someone - Hillary or Barack? The question answered itself. 

We all remember the three-word mantra of the Obama campaign: Hope and Change. Hope [that the future would be better than the present, under Bush] and Change [from the policies of the Bush administration]. The campaign's message, boiled down to three words, clearly embraced the idea that the campaign was about Bush.

So, how does that translate to your campaign?

Remember that voters will view your candidacy through the lens of the incumbent, even if you're running for an open seat and the incumbent isn't on the ballot. 

When determining what the message of your campaign will be, be sure to consider what the voters know about and think about the incumbent. Then you can determine whether to contrast yourself with the incumbent or embrace him in a "don't change horses in midstream" style of campaign.

The Campaign Consultant deconstructed

What is a campaign consultant? Is it the person who will hand you a brilliant strategy to win your race? Is it someone who pulls amazing slogans out the air or who creates stunning TV ads that you look as though you walk on water?

Or is it the person who guides you through grueling debates that allow you to excoriate your opponent and come off like a charming, friendly, tough but compassionate political whiz?

Your consultant is a little bit of all of these, but more than anything else, she is an interpreter.

She helps interpret your values, goals and message for the voters to understand. She helps you express yourself to the average person on the street so that you, not the consultant, are perceived as someone the voters trust with the business of government.

You may be the most capable person in the world, up to speed on all the issues, with great progressive values, and ideas for helping the common person. But if you cannot get those ideas out to the voters, you  don't stand a chance of ever getting in to the position of putting your ideas into action.

Why? Because you need to get your ideas across to the voters. Most will not attend debates, even if you are a skilled orator. They will not learn of your policies, unless your opponent is telling them about you in less than flattering terms with the help of his own consultant.You need to make sure the voters see and understand your lessage.

And for that you need a consultant, to help you on the unfamiliar back roads of your campaign, finding your way and communicating with those you meet. You need to translate your ideas into visual aids that will inform the voter, mail, doorhangers, TV ads, as well as make sure they understand the importance of you, and not the other guy, being on the school board, on the city council or in the State Assembly, whatever office it is you are running for.

So think of your consultant as your interpreter and your tour guide. Conducting a campaign is like a trip to a foreign land, one where you don't know the language but need desperately to communicate with the locals. Choose wisely when picking someone to help guide you on the way and provide the tools to allow you to engage in valuable two-way conversations with the people you meet.

Start Early; Ask Often

If you're planning a run in 2015, now is the time to start your campaign. How do you start? First, of course you decide what office you are running for. Do your homework. Who else might be running? Will it be an open seat? What issues might be coming up?

Start attending meetings of the body you want to join, if you are not already doing so. Who on this body are you aligned with? Who might represent another viewpoint? Who are the allies of each group?

Look up the campaign financial filings to see how much it costs to run for this office. See who has donated to various candidates in the past. These are people you might to ask for contriubtions.

Now is the time to start putting together your campaign team. Make sure you talk to your family. Are they going to be solidly behind you? Think about the time away from them on the campaign trail and while serving in office.  will they actively help you? make phone calls, walk precincts when the time is ripe?

Start asking your family, your friends and associates, your work colleagues, your old college classmates, to support your campaign. Ask them to pledge, if not donate outright now. (When you start taking donations, know the rules in your district; are there contribution limits? Are you allowed to actually raise money before you file?) You will need a bank account dedicated to the campaign and a good treasurer, even for a small race; someone familiar with campaign deadlines and regulations.

Once you start getting pledges of support and money, you are on the way. Remember what they say "Early money is like yeast; it makes the bread rise." You are the bread. Your supporters are your yeast. Once they have donated, they will do so again. They will bring others along. The campaign will start to grow and snowball and you will look like a winner.

So start now, lay a good foundation and you will be in shape come Election Day.