"It was my evil twin. There I said it. I have an evil twin. No really, you think I'm making it up, right? You think 'there he goes again' excusing away some really despicable behavior.
"How do you think it makes me feel to have this evil twin stalking me all the time, pretending to be me, doing these really really bad things? I have never, never, put my hands, and they are good hands, really strong, and not small; he's the one with the small hands, mine are perfectly formed, really great hands, never put these hands up any woman's skirt.
"Imagine the burden I suffer under. I build a real estate empire, and he goes and gambles it all away. Bankruptcies? Me? Never! It was him, What a loser. So now I am being honest with you. I have tried to cover iup for that loser, but no more!
"Make that guy take a drug test! Make him get his fake orange hair tested too, and his fake orange face also. I mean, does anyone really think a real American man like me has fake anything? That guy is an imposter, and he has got to go. Worse than crooked Hillary.
"I'm the good guy. I love the women, I love the Mexicans (in the right places, like busing tables and picking lettuce and selling tacos. Did I tell you how much I love taco trucks? Love them!)
"So, I'm the one wronged here, and I am going to get rid of that evil twin right now. You are going to see a new Donald Trump at the next debate, I mean the real Donald Trump, just wait.
"And if crooked Hillary says one negative thing about me, I can sue her lying ass for libel, because it wasn't me. It was him, and she better get that straight right now!"
