Captain Underpants Chapter II

So what do you think? In all the broo ha ha about Hillary's emails and Scott Walker's continuing gutting of worker's rights; Rand Paul's continued goofiness, we learn that Sonoma County Supervisor Efren Carillo, otherwise known as Captain Underpants, for an incident last year when he trotted over to a neighbor's house in nothing but the aforementioned skivvies, hoping the lady in question might find that an enticing sight that would cause her to open wide her bedroom door.

Or her window, as that is where he tried to gain access, causing her to call police. He blamed it all on demon rum and vowed never to touch the stuff again. "Satan punked me!" he complained, as off to rehab he went, following the surprising acquittal on a charge of "peeping."

Now back on the Board of Supervisors, and having reactivated his Facebook account (no pictures below the waist), his neighbor is suing his ass (I can't resist), for causing her humiliation and emotional distress over the incident. 

So what do you think? Should he run for re-election? Will anyone run against him? Does anyone care about this sort of stuff anymore?

It's the beginning of election season folks. These things matter. Your opinions count. Let's dish!

Today's recipe (really!)

Underpant toast

Surely this Impresses girls

We all know that girls love pants and all the paraphernalia that goes with them so Underpant toast has to be a winner, for the sophisticated man around town.

Recipe

	Begin with a conventional slice of toast, the type often made by a toaster or grill.
	Using a knife make a pocket by running it between the two sides.
	Next cover one side with Mayonaise, the type you normally use for stuff.
	Now cut the edge off.
	Then cut off the other corners and make an attractive Y shape in the mayonaise.

Serving Suggestions

	Sensible Pants
	Skimpy pants

 

Something to try after a day stumping for the Plastic Bag Ban, again

You may have heard that after California legislators passed a landmark plastic bag ban last year, the industry went on red alert and got their lackeys and paid hacks out to collect signatures for a referendum on the ban.  So soon, legions of environmentalists and people who care about protecting the earth from plastic bags that blow in the breeze, crowd landfills for decades if not forever, harm the environment and wildlife will hit the streets to convince people to vote "No" on the referendum and "No" to plastic bags.

For you creative types with a sweet tooth, here's a plastic recipe to try after a hard day on the campaign trail. And while you're at it, download and watch a copy of "The Graduate." Watch for the famous "Plastics!" line and yell a collective NO to that too.

Chocolate Plastic
 
Chocolate plastic is a delicious, versatile chocolate paste that can be used to decorate cakes, petit fours, and many other pastries. Use chocolate plastic to wrap cakes like packages, create ribbons and bows, and make cut-out decorations.

This recipe can also be made with milk or dark chocolate. The procedure for milk chocolate is the same, but if you are using dark chocolate, increase the amount of corn syrup to 2/3 cup. Note that you cannot achieve the same coloring effects when using milk or dark chocolate, and that you should roll out milk or dark chocolate plastic in cocoa powder instead of powdered sugar.

 Ingredients

• 1 lb white chocolate
• 1/2 cup light corn syrup
• food coloring (optional)

Preparation

1. Chop the chocolate, and place it in a large microwave-safe bowl.

2. Microwave the chocolate until melted, stirring after every 45 seconds to avoid overheating the chocolate.
3. Remove the melted chocolate from the microwave, and stir until smooth. Add the corn syrup and stir until the mixture is thoroughly combined.
4. Spoon the chocolate onto a large sheet of plastic wrap, and wrap it securely. Allow the chocolate to cool and solidify at room temperature, for at least 6 hours or overnight.
5. Soften the hardened chocolate by kneading it with glove-covered hands, or microwave it in short 10-second intervals until it becomes soft enough to work with. Continue to knead until it is smooth and pliable. Do not worry if your chocolate plastic has lumps--these can be worked out through the kneading process. Dust your hands with powdered sugar if the chocolate begins to stick. At this point, you can divide it and knead different food colorings into the chocolate, if desired. Be sure to change your gloves between batches to avoid muddying the colors.
6. Dust your work surface with a thin layer of powdered sugar. Roll out the chocolate plastic until it is very thin (about 1/8-inch). Alternately, you can use a pasta roller to make thin ribbons or strips.
7. Now you’re ready to decorate with your chocolate plastic! You can cut out shapes or letters with cookie cutters or a knife, or form the chocolate plastic into ribbons and bows, or use large sheets of plastic to wrap entire cakes or petit fours.
8. Gather remaining scraps of chocolate plastic and wrap tightly. Store in a cool cupboard and use within 2-3 weeks. To re-use, repeat the softening instructions in step 5.

A Pie in the Face for Neil Patrick Harris

I'm sure you all watched the Oscars. I ate a delicious frittata I made myself with eggs right from under the chickens my friend keeps on her mini-farm nearby. Here's what it looked like on my plate, complete with asparagus, cheese, green onions, sausage and the good jack cheese.You kind of just mix it all up in a skillet, then pop it under the broiler for a couple of minutes. Yum!

The best part of the Oscars? Moving acceptances speeches about issues like women's rights, immigration, gender equality by Patricia Arquette, Graham Moore and Alejandro González Iñárritu and of course the song Glory from Selma.

I personally love it when politics, especially progressive politics, gets into the mix. Use the moment to make a point that needs to be made.

And I was so glad to see Citizen Four get best documentary. And to see Glenn Greenwald right up on stage with the director to accept.

So it was a slap in the face to him, to Edward Snowden, to whistleblowers everywhere, not to mention true patriots who believe in freedom and democracy all over this country and the world, to have Neil Patrick Harris make his lame non-joke that Snowden couldn't attend for "some treason." Not. Funny.

A pie in the face for NPH. Make that a moose turd pie.

A special Recipe for Rudy Giuliani - Moose Turd Pie

For sheer hutzpah and stupidity, there's Rudy Giuliani's speech at a Scott Walker rally that President Obama does not love America, because "He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up through love of this country.”

Besides having the least little tinge of racism, on its face this is an outrageous slanderous thing to say, especially coming from a former mayor of a major (if not THE major U.S. City, New York). You might not agree with everything the President says and does (I certainly don't, but I suspect for very different reasons than Mr. Giuliani), but to say that means he doesn't love his country is off the rails.

I love my country and I find fault, lots of fault, with it. I don't believe we are the greatest in the world. If so, we'd have universal health care, housing programs that work, a decent living wage for all workers., better environmental regulation; we'd be working harder toward erasing income inequality, racism, sexism and ageism.

We'd be more like Sweden, maybe. Saying the President doesn't love his country because he wants to make some changes is like saying a parent doesn't love their child because she wants him to stop being a bully, get better grades, clean up her room or a dozen other things that every sane parent complains about every day.

I love my dogs, but  wish they'd stop eating poop off the street.

All of which brings to mind a culinary treat I would love to serve up to Mr. Giuliani and his ilk.

Moose Turd Pie, made famous in the song/story of the same name by U. Utah Phillips, the Golden Voice of the Great Southwest, who I had the pleasure to meet and to hear this song and others about riding the rails, unions and unrequited love.

Here is the man himself telling how he came to make a moose turd pie. (Read all the lyrics to the song, a sort of talking blues, here)  The background is working on a railroad line, hard labor, with the men, none of them knowing anything about cooking, taking turns cooking up the grub. If you complained about someone's cooking, you go the next shift. It was Phillips' turn this day. (Yes, this is an apocryphal story, but it's a good one.) Enjoy.


       "I sallied forth over the muddy river. I was walking around among the sheet grass and the bunch grass, and I looked down, and there was just a hell of a big moose turd. Biggest damn moose turd; that was a real steamer! I looked down at that meadow wafer, and I said to myself "Self, I'm going to bake up a big moose turd pie." Because if anybody complained about my cooking, they were going to have to cook. So I tipped that pasture pastry up on edge. I got my **** together, so to speak. And I started rolling it down towards the old cook car.

       "BALUUMP! BALUUMP!

      "I got it down there and leaned it up against the side and I climbed up in the cook car, and I baked a hell of a big pie shell. And I baked that moose turd in as slick as you please. And I cribbed it with my thumbs, and laid strips of dough across it, & garnished it with a sprig of parsley, a little paprika. It was beautiful; poetry on a plate. And I served it up for dessert, waiting for the first hint of a complaint." 

     "Well, this giant dude comes in, about 5 foot 40; I mean he was big. Throwed himself down like a fool on a stool. Picked up his fork. Took a big bite of that moose turd pie. Well, he threw down his fork, and he let out a bellow, and he yelled..

     '"My God! That's Moose Turd Pie! ... It's Good, Though!"'

If you want to make some for yourself, try this actual edible version, compliments of http://www.quiltingboard.com/recipes-f8/i-need-recipe-moose-turd-pie-t222070.html:

Make a brownie crust. Bake and cool.
Make a chocolate pudding, and mix it with whipped cream for a fluffy mousse-like filling.
Stir in a bunch of mini peanut butter cups (or chocolate covered caramel balls or chocolate covered peppermint patties). You could also add some coconut and/or chopped nuts or any other delicacies you think would win the men over to declare your offering THE winner!!!
Pour into pie shell. Chill.
Drizzle chocolate and butterscotch over top in a grid like or circular design.
Edge around the pie crust with whipped cream.

Cold Weather Political Stew

If you are on the East Coast, or even in the deep south, according to the weather man, and you have any kind of special election coming up, you might enjoy a cup of this when you get back from stumping. In California, you might enjoy a cup of this real recipe, actually called Political Chili Pot (Yum!), after a long day of precinct walking for Joan Buchanan or Susan Bonilla, two women vying for the State Senate seat left vacant by Mark DeSaulnier's election to Congress in November. (Oh, yes, there is one man, Steve Glazer, in this special March 17 primary. Oh did I mention that all three are Democrats? Redistricting!))

It does get cold after dark, even in the San Francisco Bay area.

It is February after all.

So have your non-walking volunteers, husbands or boyfriends, keep a pot of this on the stove for those post-walk debriefs back at campaign headquarters. Your tummy and your volunteers will thank you!

POLITICAL CHILI POT

1/3 c. vegetable oil 5 med. onions, sliced 3 lbs. ground beef 2 tbsp. chili powder 1 tbsp. salt 2 cans kidney beans 1 tsp. paprika 3/4 tsp. Tabasco powder 1/4 tsp. oregano 2 cans tomatoes 1 (16 oz.) can tomato paste Heat oil in 6-8 quart saucepan and add onion, cook until tender but not brown. Add ground beef, sprinkle with chili powder, salt, paprika, Tabasco powder, and oregano. Cook until meat is brown, breaking up with a fork. Add tomatoes and tomato paste. Cover; simmer 45 minutes. Add kidney beans, simmer 15 minutes longer.

Ingredients for a successful politician: "Inflating the truth?"

Oh, that zany Willie Brown, former Speaker of the California Assembly, former Mayor of San Francisco, now a lobbying whiz and bon vivant around town, seen at all the best parties, and dishing out advice and sage homilies.

His latest bit of wisdom comes in an almost hidden paragraph in his regular S.F. Chronicle column this Sunday. Talking about the trouble that Brian Williams seems to have got himself in by stretching the truth into tall tales, he all but comes right out and says that is that it's ok for politicians to lie. I quote:

"NBC News anchor Brian Williams’ biggest mistake was trying to be like a politician.

"Inflating stories to make ourselves look better is just part of the job. And for the most part, the public accepts our doing it. But unlike journalists, credibility isn’t a politician’s stock-in-trade. Our job is to get the job done and deliver the goods for the public." 

Getting the job done, "delivering the goods for the public" is of course laudable. And what our politicians should do, but do we really think it's ok to lie, exaggerate, "inflate the stories?"

This is not the advice I give my clients, please be assured. And when they get caught in a lie, they better not quote Willie Brown that truthfulness is not an ingredient in their recipe for success, or they may find themselves out of a job.

Here's  recipe I found called (Seriously!)  POLITICIAN DELIGHT  (Just don't try to pass off the chocolate pudding mix and cool whip as your homemade chocolate mouse and whipped cream.)

POLITICIAN DELIGHT

CRUST: 1 c. flour 1 stick of butter 1/2 c. chopped walnuts or pecans Mix like pastry, press in a 9 x 13 size pan, firmly. Bake in a 350 degree oven 10 to 12 minutes until light brown cool. FIRST LAYER: 1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese 1 c. powdered sugar Beat until fluffy. Fold in a medium carton of Cool Whip, spread on crust. SECOND LAYER: 2 sm. packages of instant chocolate pudding 2 1/2 c. of milk Mix together, spread over first layer. THIRD LAYER: 1 sm. medium carton of Cool Whip Spread over second layer. FOURTH LAYER: Spread toasted coconut or walnuts over third layer. 1 cup of either one. Chill cut into squares or freeze.

Deja Vu on the Campaign Trail

It's always the same. You sign the client, you start the work, you send for their approval. They don't read their emails. Communication breakdown. Frustration all around.

No. 1 pet peeve: clients who fail to communicate and then kvetch when the website is late.

Lesson for the consultant: Call them, text them, carrier pigeon them with messages to Read. Your. Emails. How else can they see the draft material you need approved?  The artwork you need oked? The questions you have that go unanswered?

Lesson for the client: Read your email. It's the fastest simplest way for us to communicate with you. To show you what we're doing and to get your approval. Then we can talk.

So this is what I recommend: Set a schedule, emails once a day must be checked and responded to. Texts should be checked more often as more urgent. A regular (daily, every other day, weekly) phone call needs to be arranged, as well as regular meetings, weekly or bi-weekly to make sure you, the candidate, the kitchen cabinet and staff are all on the same track and the campaign train is chugging along toward victory.