Marin Pension Board Divests Tobacco Stocks, Buys Marijuana Futures

Satire alert. This ain't never going to happen, but if it does, a local brand called Marin Mellow will be sure to follow.

Read the IJ story first, in which our band of merry Pension Board members defend their steadfast refusal to divest from tobacco funds, unanimously voting to put profits ahead of people as they try to protect their investments.  Yes, they have an obligation to keep the fund solvent, but wouldn't this be more fun?

Today's Independent Journal reports the abrupt about-face by the Marin Pension Board, which only this week voted to keep all its tobacco stocks, despite passionate pleas by the public to divest in cancer causing greed stick industry.

In a late night session, called following the County auditor's back of envelope calculations, the Board determined the future would be tobaccoless, but marijuana rich.

"Eventually, we will legalize this stuff," said pension chief Jeff Wickman,"and we need to be in on the ground floor.  The public and the health lobby will not get off our back until we divest anyway, so why not be pro-active about it?  it's a long-term win-win for the county and the tax coffers."

With that, he ended the midnight press conference in front of the Civic Center, and hurried into a waiting car, from which sweet smells wafted, as it sped away.  Strains of reggae music could be heard in the vehicle's path, as it headed for the Freeway.