Satire alert; hope you like it.
Deep under Trump Tower in New York, Donald Trump entered his private locker room from the sauna, his big belly heaving over the skimpy towel. He began to sniff eagerly, like a hound dog seeking out a treed raccoon.
"Do I smell sweat socks?" he asked of Putin, just pulling up his girdle.
"Not mine, you don't" Vlad said, giving a delicate sniff of his own. "Must be Howard Stern's.
Howard sauntered over, hair all disheveled and breathing heavily. "I think it's my pits Donald. Here." He held up a hairy armpit, which caused Donald to draw back just the slightest bit.
"Pussy!" accused Howard, while Putin sniggered.
"Who you calling pussy, you dickhead!" Donald retorted, his orange face turning beet red.
"Don't give yourself a coronary," Vlad said, examining his pecs in the locker room mirror. "We need someone to wipe down these mirrors. They're all steamed up."
"Get Kelly Ann," said Trump, opening his own locker, where his climate controlled stem proof mirror hung from the door. He proceeded to pull out various sprays, lotions and potions, and applying them liberally to his hair.
"What is that anyway?" Howard Stern said, coming up behind Donald. "A dead wombat?"
"Why you Kike bastard!" Are you stalking me?"
"Calm down," Vlad implored the two men. "It's just locker room banter Donald. Don't get your panties in a twist."
"You know I can bomb the pants right offa you anytime I want Vlad, so cool your jets. My bombs are the best, by the by the way. So good." He sniffed heavily again. "Gym socks in here somewhere. Who's that hiding under the bench over there? Hey you with the smelly feet!"
"Sorry sir," said the meek smallish man wearing a Trump for Dictator tee shirt in day glow orange. "I'm the janitor. I can only afford one pair of socks, and the laundromat in my building is defective. I thought since you were all for the people, and helping us little guys, maybe you could spare a pair or two. My athlete's foot makes it really hard to keep the job."
"My good man," said Trump, beckoning the little fellow to him. "You may be small in stature, but you are great in political capital. And I do have a thing for stinky feet you know. So real."
"Then you'll help me?" asked the man, hardly able to believe his good fortune.
"I didn't say that. But I might be able to give you a part in my next TV ad, which I will fund myself. I'm rich, you know, so rich. And I love the little guy. No one loves the little guy as much as I do. Almost as much as the women. And not a word out of you two bozos or it's Siberia for both of you, he said, menacingly to Putin and Stern.
"What happened to your hair anyway Howard? You been wrestling alligators or something?"
"Ha! I was mobbed on the way in here by a bunch of liberal pinkos with protest signs. They assaulted me!"
"Did you call the cops?"
"Nah, they were all girl scouts, trying to sell me cookies, in between the smackdown. They are a tough bunch."
"I'd like a cookie. Did you get any?"
"Not cookies," said Howard, meaningfully."
"Hey, that's great locker room banter, don't you think Vlad and..." he turned to the diminutive janitor "What's your name, anyway? You look familiar. Do I know you"
"It's John Kasich; I used to be, you know, a Republican candidate. "But after my humiliating loss, I had to take any job I could."
"Can you clean the steam off this mirror?" Vlad gestured Kasich over.
"I guess so, but I sure could use those socks, Mr. Trump."
"When you make an ad for me, then we'll see about the socks."
"I'm not sure about that ad, Mr. Trump. I know I'm poor and deperate, but my wife would kill me."
"Your wife?!" Donald grew outrageous. "Get yourself another one. Clean socks. That will do the trick. But first the ad."
With that, he turned back to primping, his bowl full of jelly tummy bobbing along to the spritzers of hair product he kept applying as Kasich pleaded with Vlad for some clean socks in exchange for clearing the mirror. Howard Stern turned off his mic and scooted off to air the tape on his next show.
Cooking up a campaign? Need a new recipe? You've come to the right place! The Campaign Cookbook offers tips to season your campaign, make the dough rise, and be prepared for when it gets hot in the electoral kitchen. Recipes tried and true, and innovative too, presented by GreenDog Campaigns. www.greendogcampaigns.com
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Trump and Putin: the Dream Ticket
A little borrowed levity from Michael Lerner, written by another Rabbi with a good sense of humor and outrage. Enjoy:
[A bit of humor in light of the latest
revelations about a presidential candidate whose disgusting attitude toward
women is no laughing matter! This is a selection from a fuller piece written
by my Jewish Renewal rabbinic colleague Elliot Ginsburg who teaches Jewish
Studies at the U. of Michigan, Ann Arbor-- Warm regards to all. Rabbi Michael
Lerner rabbilerner.tikkun@gmail.com]
Trump
Exes Pence and taps Putin as new Veepster
(unedited transcript)
Breaking News: And here to deliver
the news is our undercover reporter, known gnomically as Trump L’ie. (Or do
you say, Trump L’Oy?)...His voice has been digitally altered lest he be
publicly fingered and outed…and force-fed with well-meaning gluten.
Thanks Pritchard. I’m here streaming
undercover at the Tsibl Tower, deep in the heart of Gruzya and have we got a
hot scoop for you.
[Full voice, stentorian]: As we all know,
pressure has been mounting over the past 36 hours for Donald J. Trump to
withdraw from the Presidential race in the wake of the Excess Hollywood tape
scandal. We have it on reliable source that Trump is planning his
counter-offensive, preemptively removing Mike Pence from the ticket for his
“half-baked, on-the-fence support” and “his longish fingers which make me
look bad.” And here’s the gobsmacker: The Donald’s allegedly replacing
“Weak-Mike Pence” with “a strong leader” with downright stubby digits,
Vladimir Putin—who would simultaneously retain his position as pre-eminent
Russian leader.
This unprecedented decision came about in a hush-hush confab in the Alaska compound of travel-show host Sarah “Litwack” Palin (or do you say, Poiln?). Palin has been serving as Trump’s unofficial advisor on World Affairs and Birth Control. (In that order. First the Affairs and then the Birth Control.) Campaign Insiders Newt Gingrinch and Chris Crispie (code-name Creme)—Trump’s Weight-Watcher sponsors—were also in tow. Looking through Sarah’s famous window, Trump reportedly grew agitated before growing glassy eyed and waxing prophetic:
“I see London, I see France, I see no future
under Pence….In fact, I see the future and it is Rootin’ Tootin’ Vladimir
Fuckin-Putin rearing his head (and heading u-know-who’s pantsuited rear) as
my Veep. If Crooked Hillary launches a Putin Riot, we boink the protesters,
and make America really great again. Vladimir Putin, initials Vee-Pee,
will be my sidekick and hobnobber, my bouncer- in-chief. We give half-baked
Pence the heave-ho, the hobnailed boot, and bring on Putin-Boots. Or as I
call him, Vlad the Impaler. Did you see the size of that man’s hands? Smaller
than mine.
Newt interrupts (gassy): Er, one problem,
Donald. He’s not exactly American or even Murican. That’s against the Second
Amendment—even if Scalia were still alive and kicking—as I’ve noted in my
learned books.
Trump: No problem. We give Putin special
status as native-born, like the rigged system did for John McCain who was
born in Panama, or that Mexican, Mitt Romney. Where was the damn wall when we
fuckin’ needed it?
Crispie: No Donald. You can’t make Putin
American until after you assume rule and expand the Second Amendment
by executive fiat.
Trump: Unless. Unless...I've been
pullin' your legs, guys. Damn it, Sarah, you tell ‘em:
Sarah: You betcha. And aren’t we all looking
swell in our sensiband expando-slacks?! So, I got this doohickey from
Breitbart this morning….
Trump (interrupting). Wrong. It was
technically last night, Alaska time, in the wee hours my time, while I was
tooting up a storm or maybe tweeting. It’s Vladimir Fuckingovich Putin’s
secret goddam birth-certificate. The long-form. Says right here, he’s really
from... get this, that swing state, Florida.
Crispie: no shit
Gingrinch: you sure it’s real…
Trump: it’s a real hack...really real. Could
have been the Russians, or maybe Jina or maybe it’s from my 400 pound twin
brother sitting on a bed somewhere. But it’s real...I can smell, and taste,
and rub its yuge reality. See, born in Florida. St. Petersberg, to be exact.
Gingrich: shit...
Trump: Yup, da man’s from St. Petersburg.
Right here, in black and white. Fucking St Pete. I love Florida. I own half
of Florida. I have many buildings there. We could make Del-a-Mar the new
White House! Build a dacha for Putin behind. So, in with Putin, out with
Fencey-Pence. We got this baby in the Gucci bag. A round of Trump Steaks for
the house! (Pauses to spray hair) Liar liar yo’ Pence be fired!
Sarah (martial in tone): Newt and Chris, you
take care of Reince and Ryan. I’ll neutralize Pence with some fractured
syntax. We’ll all need new hats: Maybe “Make America-n-Russia great again.”
Something with faux fur ear-flaps. And maybe some sexy caribou antlers for
huntin’ season.
Gingrinch: Yeah, but what’s in it for Putin?
Trump: He keeps his Russian post. And we give him an American beach-head: West Palm Beach, Miami Beach and Boynton Beach. And a sexy byatch, the one from Days of our Lives. Did you see her legs? And maybe if he pushes back real hard, Brighton Beach. Crispie: And remember, I have a bridge I could sell him real cheap. He’s got the dough. As they say, Crimea pays.
Trump: Fellows, fellows...leave it to the
Donald to close the deal. I tell you. Vlad’s got the hots for me. Believe me.
No one has greater hots for me than him. I’m one star he can’t resist. For
starters, we can go horseback riding. He without his shirt and me without my
Pence. I’ll dismount. I’ll remount. We’ll rub noses. I’ll suck his toots, get
him all hot and buttered, and, the piece de no-resistance, grab him by his
Putin.
Trump for the Win!
Chris and Newt: Yessss! Score one for the
Donald.
Trump: Sarah, pack my extra-long tie and my
rack of tic-tacs...
[ Now, he has something to say in tonight's
debate!]
|
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
How to get free publicity for your campaign without committing a scandal
There are a number of ways to get free publicity for your campaign. Make a public blunder, have some "private" embarrassing moments go public, but if you want good publicity, it's not so easy. The press isn't going to take notice of your campaign beyond the usual short blurb they give every candidate. They might cover a debate or two if the issues are juicy, but short of punching your opponent in the nose, it's hard to get reporters to cover you.
So you need to do it yourself. There are a few ways of do it yourself press. One is the oped. If there is a newsworthy issue in your campaign, and the press hasn't picked up on it, write an oped piece that focuses on the issue and real solutions. This needs to be something other than a puff piece bout your own campaign. Another person might write about the issue and why you'd be the right person to solve it. They would likely invite your opponent to have someone send in an article on his/her behalf as well.
Another way is to start your own blog, but that's a lot of work, and online publication just don't reach voters that well, despite the proliferation of social media sites dedicated to politics. In fact, that's one of the problems, there are so many, people tend to ignore them in favor of cute cat videos.
These can come in at various intervals, so that they don't bunch up on an editor's desk. Here are a few guidelines for a successful Letters to the Editor campaign.
1. Keep them short. 200 words are so is the optimal length. Much longer and you risk editing and possibly losing your main point to a pair of scissors.
2. Proofread carefully. Spelling is important, good grammar and punctuation also count. If you are speaking on a candidate's behalf, you want to come across as articulate and well informed.
3. Make sure they are truthful. do not make things up, or exaggerate your abilities. Don't make your opponent sound like an ogre unless he/she truly is one, and still, pick your words wisely.
4. Be prepared to write follow up or response letters if you get attacked by others, or if others write letters that cast you in a negative light.
Follow those easy rules and you'll get your name in the paper and maybe find some new volunteers to help with the campaign too, when they see how many enthusiastic supporters you already have.
Here is some "Brain food" to snack on while composing your letters:
KAMUT UDON NOODLES WITH KALE & AVOCADO
(Avocado is said to help with blood flow to the brain for clarity of thought.)
Time: less than 20 minutes
Servings: 2
8-oz package kamut udon noodles
2 tablespoons avocado oil (or grape seed oil)
1 tomato, chopped
3/4 bunch of lacinato kale, cut into long thin strips
3 carrots – peeled and sliced/grated
a handful of mushrooms, white or brown – finely sliced
generous drizzle of organic soy sauce/tamari, to taste
a few sprinkles of crushed red pepper flakes
dash of salt
squirt of honey
1 avocado, peeled and sliced – garnish
squeeze of fresh lime juice
In a pot of boiling water, cook kamut udon noodles as per package instructions until al dente, usually 8 minutes. Drain and rinse with cold water.
Pour noodles back into pot with heat on low to medium. Then add kale, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, tamari, honey, red pepper flakes and avocado oil. Heat gently, stir until steaming and kale has softened, 2-3 minutes.
Garnish with thick slices of avocado and squeeze of lime juice. Dig in!
So you need to do it yourself. There are a few ways of do it yourself press. One is the oped. If there is a newsworthy issue in your campaign, and the press hasn't picked up on it, write an oped piece that focuses on the issue and real solutions. This needs to be something other than a puff piece bout your own campaign. Another person might write about the issue and why you'd be the right person to solve it. They would likely invite your opponent to have someone send in an article on his/her behalf as well.
Another way is to start your own blog, but that's a lot of work, and online publication just don't reach voters that well, despite the proliferation of social media sites dedicated to politics. In fact, that's one of the problems, there are so many, people tend to ignore them in favor of cute cat videos.
The simplest is to have people send in short letters to the editor. These can be written by one person and signed by others. Issues can be split up, so that one person writes about how you are the best candidate to fill potholes, while another writes about your talent at bringing people together. Still others can discuss the differences between you and your opponent and what makes you the most ft for the job.
Letters are a good way to convey your message to a number of people (at least the newspaper reading people, and remember, many read the paper online, so you are reaching them as well), and it is one section of the paper people do read. Your letter may well get some responses from your opponent's camp or people who may be passionate about whatever issues are on the line.These can come in at various intervals, so that they don't bunch up on an editor's desk. Here are a few guidelines for a successful Letters to the Editor campaign.
1. Keep them short. 200 words are so is the optimal length. Much longer and you risk editing and possibly losing your main point to a pair of scissors.
2. Proofread carefully. Spelling is important, good grammar and punctuation also count. If you are speaking on a candidate's behalf, you want to come across as articulate and well informed.
3. Make sure they are truthful. do not make things up, or exaggerate your abilities. Don't make your opponent sound like an ogre unless he/she truly is one, and still, pick your words wisely.
4. Be prepared to write follow up or response letters if you get attacked by others, or if others write letters that cast you in a negative light.
Follow those easy rules and you'll get your name in the paper and maybe find some new volunteers to help with the campaign too, when they see how many enthusiastic supporters you already have.
Here is some "Brain food" to snack on while composing your letters:
KAMUT UDON NOODLES WITH KALE & AVOCADO
(Avocado is said to help with blood flow to the brain for clarity of thought.)
Time: less than 20 minutes
Servings: 2
8-oz package kamut udon noodles
2 tablespoons avocado oil (or grape seed oil)
1 tomato, chopped
3/4 bunch of lacinato kale, cut into long thin strips
3 carrots – peeled and sliced/grated
a handful of mushrooms, white or brown – finely sliced
generous drizzle of organic soy sauce/tamari, to taste
a few sprinkles of crushed red pepper flakes
dash of salt
squirt of honey
1 avocado, peeled and sliced – garnish
squeeze of fresh lime juice
In a pot of boiling water, cook kamut udon noodles as per package instructions until al dente, usually 8 minutes. Drain and rinse with cold water.
Pour noodles back into pot with heat on low to medium. Then add kale, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, tamari, honey, red pepper flakes and avocado oil. Heat gently, stir until steaming and kale has softened, 2-3 minutes.
Garnish with thick slices of avocado and squeeze of lime juice. Dig in!
Friday, September 2, 2016
Time to start Planning that first Mail Piece
Today is Sept. 2. Monday is Labor Day, the "official" start of the campaign season. If you're a serious campaigner though, you know the campaign started months earlier with your decision to run, hiring the right consultants and staff, and assembling an awesome team of volunteers.
You've honed your budget and used your fund-raising skills to make phone calls for that important early money. You've got a walk piece or door hanger "in the can." Or you may have already started walking with it, depending on the size of your volunteer force and your district.
Now you are ready to start planning that all-important first mailer that will hit the voters' mailboxes around the same time their absentee ballots do. More and more Americans are voting by mail and the vote-by-mail (sometime called permanent absetee0 voter is more and more important. Although many of these voters hang on to their ballots until the days before the election, there is still a significantly large enough number of them that you need to reach them early. That means your mail needs to be created and sent to the printer well in advance of the date, so that it arrives in the voters' mailboxes right on time.
Work with your consultant who knows the timing, and can be sure that the mailing label is placed correctly and get an estimate for costs well ahead of time. Most printers need payment up front, and the Post Office doesn't take IOU's.
So, start working on that messaging now. Make sure you have good photos to tell your story with, and you'll be well prepared to get the mail out and in the early voters' hands when it counts the most.
You've honed your budget and used your fund-raising skills to make phone calls for that important early money. You've got a walk piece or door hanger "in the can." Or you may have already started walking with it, depending on the size of your volunteer force and your district.
Now you are ready to start planning that all-important first mailer that will hit the voters' mailboxes around the same time their absentee ballots do. More and more Americans are voting by mail and the vote-by-mail (sometime called permanent absetee0 voter is more and more important. Although many of these voters hang on to their ballots until the days before the election, there is still a significantly large enough number of them that you need to reach them early. That means your mail needs to be created and sent to the printer well in advance of the date, so that it arrives in the voters' mailboxes right on time.
Work with your consultant who knows the timing, and can be sure that the mailing label is placed correctly and get an estimate for costs well ahead of time. Most printers need payment up front, and the Post Office doesn't take IOU's.
So, start working on that messaging now. Make sure you have good photos to tell your story with, and you'll be well prepared to get the mail out and in the early voters' hands when it counts the most.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Open Letter to Jill Stein and the Green Party
I have given up trying to talk Bernie delegates out of voting for a third party candidate or not voting at all for that matter. I understand the bit about voting your conscience; I understand the deep visceral dislike and distrust of Hillary and all things Clinton. I'm not in love with her myself. But she is the nominee. There are only two candidates in this race, so far as I can see, viability wise. and Jill Stein is not one of them.
The Green Party, for the most part, has not done the hard work of building the base, for building up a reservoir of local State and Federal officials. Yes, where I am fortunate to live, the San Francisco Bay Area, there are Green City Council members, even a water board member in Marin County. But how common is that? Arcata has Greens on the Council. I'm sure others do too. But there is a deep gulf between the City Council of a small progressive town and the President of the United States.
So while I support the Green Party's progressive policy statements and platform points, I cannot support the decision to run Presidential candidates at such a critical juncture in our history. And I am and have always been a strong supporter of some form of a multiple party system; of coalition governments like they have in Europe. However, we do not have such a viable system now. And running losing Presidential candidates every year, with no back up in the form of legislators in State and Federal government, doesn't make the job easier.
Especially in crucial years, such as this one, where the stakes are so high. Where a Donald Trump Presidency, however remote that seems to all of us, cannot be counted out.
Call Hillary and the Dems corrupt all you want. They are all that stands between us and world annihilation, deep alienation at the least, a country where guns may outnumber classrooms, where hate is encouraged, suspicion of one's neighbors is encouraged, and how long do you think it will be before they start asking us to "name names?" Trump has been called the new McCarthy, Hitler, Mussolini. Yes, he is a dangerous man, and his invective against anyone not white, male and sycophantic horrifying.
So, I have decided not to address the earnest Bernie supporters who have left the Party (Democratic Party that is), who do not think its worth trying to appeal to Hillary, to stay and fight and hold her feet to the fire, as Bernie has asked us to do. It's your right to ignore the candidate you supported all those months, years, because he is disappointing you by supporting his rival in the Primaries. I get that.
And so I turn to the Green Party itself and to its candidate, Jill Stein. At one point she offered her position to Bernie Sanders. He declined to take it. He does not want to run as a third party candidate. He gets that the stakes are too high to take the risk.
Now it is time for the Green Party to step up, or stand down, as the case may be. To give the Bernie delegates and supporters false hopes that their candidate has a chance, that their message, at the least coming from the outside, will make a difference, is just plain cruel and wrong headed. (Of course, I hasten to say this is my opinion only., but it seems to be the logical conclusion); and the Green Party does not and should not indulge in cruelty. They call for peace, for humane treatment of all, for justice.
Love her or not, Hillary is the only nominee we have capable of beating Trump at this point. Bernie is gone. Jill Stein, no matter how saintly, is marginal. Do the right thing, and drop out of the race; throw your support to Hillary for the good of the Country and the future, for the children.
'
And I am talking quite literally here. With Donald Trump and his petty vendettas, there may be no future, nothing for the children, no clean air, or water, possibly no livable planet at all if he gets his finger on "the button."
No chance to build a viable third party movement that can make the changes we all want to see.
The Green Party, for the most part, has not done the hard work of building the base, for building up a reservoir of local State and Federal officials. Yes, where I am fortunate to live, the San Francisco Bay Area, there are Green City Council members, even a water board member in Marin County. But how common is that? Arcata has Greens on the Council. I'm sure others do too. But there is a deep gulf between the City Council of a small progressive town and the President of the United States.
So while I support the Green Party's progressive policy statements and platform points, I cannot support the decision to run Presidential candidates at such a critical juncture in our history. And I am and have always been a strong supporter of some form of a multiple party system; of coalition governments like they have in Europe. However, we do not have such a viable system now. And running losing Presidential candidates every year, with no back up in the form of legislators in State and Federal government, doesn't make the job easier.
Especially in crucial years, such as this one, where the stakes are so high. Where a Donald Trump Presidency, however remote that seems to all of us, cannot be counted out.
Call Hillary and the Dems corrupt all you want. They are all that stands between us and world annihilation, deep alienation at the least, a country where guns may outnumber classrooms, where hate is encouraged, suspicion of one's neighbors is encouraged, and how long do you think it will be before they start asking us to "name names?" Trump has been called the new McCarthy, Hitler, Mussolini. Yes, he is a dangerous man, and his invective against anyone not white, male and sycophantic horrifying.
So, I have decided not to address the earnest Bernie supporters who have left the Party (Democratic Party that is), who do not think its worth trying to appeal to Hillary, to stay and fight and hold her feet to the fire, as Bernie has asked us to do. It's your right to ignore the candidate you supported all those months, years, because he is disappointing you by supporting his rival in the Primaries. I get that.
And so I turn to the Green Party itself and to its candidate, Jill Stein. At one point she offered her position to Bernie Sanders. He declined to take it. He does not want to run as a third party candidate. He gets that the stakes are too high to take the risk.
Now it is time for the Green Party to step up, or stand down, as the case may be. To give the Bernie delegates and supporters false hopes that their candidate has a chance, that their message, at the least coming from the outside, will make a difference, is just plain cruel and wrong headed. (Of course, I hasten to say this is my opinion only., but it seems to be the logical conclusion); and the Green Party does not and should not indulge in cruelty. They call for peace, for humane treatment of all, for justice.
Love her or not, Hillary is the only nominee we have capable of beating Trump at this point. Bernie is gone. Jill Stein, no matter how saintly, is marginal. Do the right thing, and drop out of the race; throw your support to Hillary for the good of the Country and the future, for the children.
'
And I am talking quite literally here. With Donald Trump and his petty vendettas, there may be no future, nothing for the children, no clean air, or water, possibly no livable planet at all if he gets his finger on "the button."
No chance to build a viable third party movement that can make the changes we all want to see.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Our Revolution or The Kids are All right
Democracy is always unruly. So are revolutions. And you can't always separate what works from what doesn't. There are always going to be sausage casings on the floor, and slippery muck underfoot. Don't look too close and take away what you will.
Like conspiracy theories. Was the election rigged? Like most things, the answer will turn out to be yes and no. Those in power want to stay in power. You sometimes have to chop them down at the root. Whoops, there goes Debbie Wasserman Schultz. And the people doing the chopping and the chanting, don't always know what they want, or when they get it it.
On the last night of the Democratic National Convention, as I sat among the Bernie kids, I didn't have a very hard time seeing my younger self in them. We wanted revolution too, and we seriously thought we'd get it. Not only in our lifetimes, but before we turned thirty, and could not longer trust ourselves, an irony totally lost on us back then.
Tonight, I see disorganization in action, carefully Kinko printed signs waved at appropriate or inappropriate times; Bernie no longer visible in his box where he has been sitting, chin on hand for the last three nights (although people say he's still there, hidden behind the crowds, his own people, Hillary people, Secret Service, DNC goons, or whatever the theory of the moment is about where all these new people came from).
We had rushed to get there early, warned that seat holders, hired off Craigslist would keep us from our places in the stands, and the seats had occupied - the three old ladies, I call us, Mayme, Ruth and me - do find our accustomed places three rows from the top of the California delegation, at the end of the row, amidst the unruly northern California Bernie kids, taken, we find places a few rows down where a lone woman in a white blazer, with smoldering eyes stands in the middle of the row and declaims "These seats are for my friends."
You can't save seats, we say; we are sitting here. No she says, my friends are coming. "You can stay," I say in my most accommodating tone, "but we have to sit somewhere, and people are in our seats." We sit, she fumes; she threatens to tell someone; schoolyard tactics.
later Alieta from the DNC arrives, smoothing ruffled feathers. I realize I may one of the very few people here who actually know people in the DNC, who actually got to vote for them, as I sit on the Executive Board of the California Democratic Party. It's the last night of the Convention; previously empty seats are filled. How did all the Hillary people get here so early, when the first buses didn't leave until 2:30 and we were on one? (How, for that matter, did all these other Bernie people get here before us to take our seats?) Seat fillers, people knowingly whisper, no, shout around us. Goons, paid to keep us, rightfully elected Bernie delegates, from our seats.
If you leave you'll never get back in, they say. They will put someone in your seat. The guards at the door wont let you in. I seriously want a drink. Tom Steyer, of Next Gen Climate Change has established a watering hole and buffet free to California delegates in the closed down bar across from our section. You need an ID to get in, to prove you are a California delegate, and not an interloper from, say Arkansas. Bernie and Hillary delegates mingle and drink together, eat ersatz fajitas and middle eastern fare, fruit and popcorn, vie for a space on the comfy white leather couches and fat arm chairs equipped with outlets for phone charging.
I ask the volunteers at the door if I can go out and still get back in. Of course, as long as you have your floor badge. At least one myth debunked. But later I see videos of the reserved signs on all the seats, ours included, and the very same woman who tried to keep us from sitting in the row she was saving "for her friends" refusing to budge, even after the Bernie people pull all the reserved signs off the seats.
I head for the bar. There on the TVs usually reserved for basketball viewing (this is a basketball arena after all), I watch some blustering General echo the troubling theme of military might. Inside the arena, the kids are shouting No More War and waving signs wildly. California may be off to the side, the Oregon and Washington are front and Center, their bright neon shirts proclaiming Enough is Enough leading the chants.
Inside, more conspiracy theories. Shawnee Badger, a twenty-two year old delegate who aspires to modeling and acting on her website, talks incessantly and urgently into her phone, recording the whole action; "See those things up there," she says, holding aloft her phone to film the mounted boxes above us that look like speakers. "Those are white noise machines, to drown us out." Later we learn they are wi fi enhancers or something innocuous , but it does seem to be true that after the first unruly chants of nights one and two, the home viewing audience doesn't hear much from the California Berners. Across from us, chants of USA USA are drowning out the "No more war" chants when Hillary speaks, once again, of American military might. I have the very surreal feeling I have stumbled into a parallel universe of the Republicans National Convention, or maybe an international soccer match.
After some Bernie kids creatively "deface' the first few official signs, using their smuggled in markers to change some wording to reflect pro-Bernie, anti-war, anti-Hillary sentiment, they are handed on the first couple of nights, signs reading Stronger Together, Love Trumps Hate, others, the volunteers in neon vests, or hall monitors, as I think of them, no longer give us any more. We don't get the Hillary signs, or the USA signs, don't want those. We do get American flags, the kids affix to their Bernie signs or their Ban Fracking signs, or other signs, some of which make no sense, until deep reflection. Not made for prime time, but the cameras are not on our section.
The Oregon group across the way sticks to the main message NO TPP. When Hillary speaks, our elected whips or representatives try to keep a form of order by determining which signs to hold up when. Bernie has texted everyone that he wants us to be respectful. He has nominated Hillary after all. Some people can't help themselves and boo anyway. Sounds of Shhh Shh, can be heard. Shouts of "Hold up your signs. No, the other sign!" pointing out the "intersectionality Matters signs people have been given. "But I don't know what it means," says a woman behind me." I'm not holding up any signs. Except, I can't help myself, once an anti-war activist, always an anti-war activist, I do wave my No more war sign, when Hillary who must prove she is tough, Commander in Chief material, I get it, starts in on how she helped decide to kill Bin Laden.
The night before, we shouted that message to Leon Panetta, and I chanted along with the rest, and he got it, looking chagrined to be out shouted by the crowd. They turned off the lights in Oregon, and the kids took up the chant, "Lights lights lights!" And the Oregon delegation lit up their cell phone flashlights. This is what Democracy looks like.
Many of these kids came out of the Occupy movement. And they have come to occupy the DNC. Many of them have turned their back on Bernie from the moment he endorsed Clinton last Tuesday in a joint appearance. Or they just refuse to believe it. The vote is rigged; (well, yes, isn't it always), he didn't actually say he conceded. When we cast our votes for him at the Convention, won't they be surprised. The interwebs are buzzing in the lead up to the Convention, with loose strategy. "Talk to a superdelegate," Some people urge. "Make them understand if they vote for Hillary, she can't win. They must vote for Berrnie." "Talk to Hillary delegates," say others, "Get them to change their votes. Explain the polls to them. Only Bernie can win against Trump" I don't know if anyone actually did try talking to Superdelegate or Hillary delegates at the Convention. I know letters were sent to some Superdlegates urging them to vote for Bernie, or at least abstain. On the night of the roll call, several abstentions were noted in some states. Were these Superdelegates who listened? or leftover Martin O'Malley supporters? Or something else altogether?
When WikiLeaks confirms the fears of NC complicity in a Hillary victory, and Wasserman Schultz provided more resources to the Hillary camp than the Bernie camp despite their supposed neutrality and even handedness toward all candidates, the game is amped up. Wassermann Schultz is forced to resign. But why did Hillary hire her?The questions persist. Many people still to this day feel the election was rigged. Perfect, no. Did some in the DNC try to influence the election for Hillary. No question. But what exactly was done, who did it and why? It's up to us to ferret that out. Let's ask our DNC delegates as soon as we can, to sit down and discuss these serious issues with us.
Like conspiracy theories. Was the election rigged? Like most things, the answer will turn out to be yes and no. Those in power want to stay in power. You sometimes have to chop them down at the root. Whoops, there goes Debbie Wasserman Schultz. And the people doing the chopping and the chanting, don't always know what they want, or when they get it it.
On the last night of the Democratic National Convention, as I sat among the Bernie kids, I didn't have a very hard time seeing my younger self in them. We wanted revolution too, and we seriously thought we'd get it. Not only in our lifetimes, but before we turned thirty, and could not longer trust ourselves, an irony totally lost on us back then.
Tonight, I see disorganization in action, carefully Kinko printed signs waved at appropriate or inappropriate times; Bernie no longer visible in his box where he has been sitting, chin on hand for the last three nights (although people say he's still there, hidden behind the crowds, his own people, Hillary people, Secret Service, DNC goons, or whatever the theory of the moment is about where all these new people came from).
We had rushed to get there early, warned that seat holders, hired off Craigslist would keep us from our places in the stands, and the seats had occupied - the three old ladies, I call us, Mayme, Ruth and me - do find our accustomed places three rows from the top of the California delegation, at the end of the row, amidst the unruly northern California Bernie kids, taken, we find places a few rows down where a lone woman in a white blazer, with smoldering eyes stands in the middle of the row and declaims "These seats are for my friends."
You can't save seats, we say; we are sitting here. No she says, my friends are coming. "You can stay," I say in my most accommodating tone, "but we have to sit somewhere, and people are in our seats." We sit, she fumes; she threatens to tell someone; schoolyard tactics.
later Alieta from the DNC arrives, smoothing ruffled feathers. I realize I may one of the very few people here who actually know people in the DNC, who actually got to vote for them, as I sit on the Executive Board of the California Democratic Party. It's the last night of the Convention; previously empty seats are filled. How did all the Hillary people get here so early, when the first buses didn't leave until 2:30 and we were on one? (How, for that matter, did all these other Bernie people get here before us to take our seats?) Seat fillers, people knowingly whisper, no, shout around us. Goons, paid to keep us, rightfully elected Bernie delegates, from our seats.
If you leave you'll never get back in, they say. They will put someone in your seat. The guards at the door wont let you in. I seriously want a drink. Tom Steyer, of Next Gen Climate Change has established a watering hole and buffet free to California delegates in the closed down bar across from our section. You need an ID to get in, to prove you are a California delegate, and not an interloper from, say Arkansas. Bernie and Hillary delegates mingle and drink together, eat ersatz fajitas and middle eastern fare, fruit and popcorn, vie for a space on the comfy white leather couches and fat arm chairs equipped with outlets for phone charging.
I ask the volunteers at the door if I can go out and still get back in. Of course, as long as you have your floor badge. At least one myth debunked. But later I see videos of the reserved signs on all the seats, ours included, and the very same woman who tried to keep us from sitting in the row she was saving "for her friends" refusing to budge, even after the Bernie people pull all the reserved signs off the seats.
I head for the bar. There on the TVs usually reserved for basketball viewing (this is a basketball arena after all), I watch some blustering General echo the troubling theme of military might. Inside the arena, the kids are shouting No More War and waving signs wildly. California may be off to the side, the Oregon and Washington are front and Center, their bright neon shirts proclaiming Enough is Enough leading the chants.
Inside, more conspiracy theories. Shawnee Badger, a twenty-two year old delegate who aspires to modeling and acting on her website, talks incessantly and urgently into her phone, recording the whole action; "See those things up there," she says, holding aloft her phone to film the mounted boxes above us that look like speakers. "Those are white noise machines, to drown us out." Later we learn they are wi fi enhancers or something innocuous , but it does seem to be true that after the first unruly chants of nights one and two, the home viewing audience doesn't hear much from the California Berners. Across from us, chants of USA USA are drowning out the "No more war" chants when Hillary speaks, once again, of American military might. I have the very surreal feeling I have stumbled into a parallel universe of the Republicans National Convention, or maybe an international soccer match.
After some Bernie kids creatively "deface' the first few official signs, using their smuggled in markers to change some wording to reflect pro-Bernie, anti-war, anti-Hillary sentiment, they are handed on the first couple of nights, signs reading Stronger Together, Love Trumps Hate, others, the volunteers in neon vests, or hall monitors, as I think of them, no longer give us any more. We don't get the Hillary signs, or the USA signs, don't want those. We do get American flags, the kids affix to their Bernie signs or their Ban Fracking signs, or other signs, some of which make no sense, until deep reflection. Not made for prime time, but the cameras are not on our section.
The Oregon group across the way sticks to the main message NO TPP. When Hillary speaks, our elected whips or representatives try to keep a form of order by determining which signs to hold up when. Bernie has texted everyone that he wants us to be respectful. He has nominated Hillary after all. Some people can't help themselves and boo anyway. Sounds of Shhh Shh, can be heard. Shouts of "Hold up your signs. No, the other sign!" pointing out the "intersectionality Matters signs people have been given. "But I don't know what it means," says a woman behind me." I'm not holding up any signs. Except, I can't help myself, once an anti-war activist, always an anti-war activist, I do wave my No more war sign, when Hillary who must prove she is tough, Commander in Chief material, I get it, starts in on how she helped decide to kill Bin Laden.
The night before, we shouted that message to Leon Panetta, and I chanted along with the rest, and he got it, looking chagrined to be out shouted by the crowd. They turned off the lights in Oregon, and the kids took up the chant, "Lights lights lights!" And the Oregon delegation lit up their cell phone flashlights. This is what Democracy looks like.
Many of these kids came out of the Occupy movement. And they have come to occupy the DNC. Many of them have turned their back on Bernie from the moment he endorsed Clinton last Tuesday in a joint appearance. Or they just refuse to believe it. The vote is rigged; (well, yes, isn't it always), he didn't actually say he conceded. When we cast our votes for him at the Convention, won't they be surprised. The interwebs are buzzing in the lead up to the Convention, with loose strategy. "Talk to a superdelegate," Some people urge. "Make them understand if they vote for Hillary, she can't win. They must vote for Berrnie." "Talk to Hillary delegates," say others, "Get them to change their votes. Explain the polls to them. Only Bernie can win against Trump" I don't know if anyone actually did try talking to Superdelegate or Hillary delegates at the Convention. I know letters were sent to some Superdlegates urging them to vote for Bernie, or at least abstain. On the night of the roll call, several abstentions were noted in some states. Were these Superdelegates who listened? or leftover Martin O'Malley supporters? Or something else altogether?
Friday, August 12, 2016
Running a Campaign? Seven tips for Success
After the Democratic National Convention, a number of Bernie delegates decided to put their money where their mouth was, and get the political revolution going, by running for office themselves. Here are some tips for those of you who are in that category or any new candidate taking the plunge:
1. Be sure the office you are running for is the one for you. It's too late now, because for any office with an incumbent in it, today's the day to sign up. (If there's no candidate, you until the 16th to make that fateful decision.) Either way, you need to research the office. Is this the right one for you? Does the office match your skill set and interests? If you are a parent with small children, a school board seat may be more suited to you than the City Council, at least as a starting place. Running for County Supervisor or State Assembly member, takes a lot more know how and financial wherewithal, than a smaller office, such as community service district, sanitary district or water board. But serving in on of these small offices can equip you with the tools and understanding to move up in your next race.
2. How much will this race cost and how will I raise the money needed? Look at past races. What have people paid to win these elections? Can you raise the money needed from your circle of family, friends, colleagues, political connections? Start making a list of who you can go to first to get the early money needed, for the filing statement , for a handout that lists your main talking points and issues in the campaign. Look around for who has given before. You can get that information on the campaign financial statements on file at the local elections office, or at cal-access, the Secretary of State's financial disclosure section. You may be shocked to learn how much your particular race will cost. And remember, you will be spending a lot of time asking for money. Start practicing now. It's the personal touch that counts, not so much a go fund me page. People want to hear from the candidate, to ask their questions and satisfy themselves you can do the job, before they commit their cold hard cash.
3. Know the competition. Is there an incumbent? If so, make sure you can tell people why they should fire that person and hire you for the job instead. You must do your homework, and know why you are the better choice, and be able to convey that message in 30 seconds. That's your elevator speech. If there's no incumbent, your job just got easier, but if there is any opposition at all, make sure you can convince people you have what it takes to do the job you are asking them to vote for you to do. And do it better than the other guy.
4. How to answer that often asked question: "Why are you running for [this office]?" The question really being asked is "What can you do for me?" That's what the voters, and any potential endorsers and donors, want to know. It's not a matter of quid pro quo. You wouldn't want people to vote for you so you can do them favors. But how is your election going to make life better? Improve the school system? Keep water rates low and quality high? Keep County or City government accessible and listen to their concerns when meetings of public importance are held.
5. Seek out competent staff and volunteers. You will at the very least need someone to help you keep track of where you have to be when, who has donated, getting those thank you notes out in time, remembering names of voters and important people you are interacting with, and raising money. Ideally you will have a Kitchen Cabinet, those experts who can keep you informed on issues that you will be asked about; someone to create your handouts and mail pieces; volunteers to walk precincts and make calls on your behalf. No matter how many great ideas you have for getting things done, you need to let the voters know, and this all costs money. Social media is great, but even that must be kept up to date and someone must ensure your email blasts and news is getting out to right people.
6. Engage the help of a campaign consultant, even if it's just a short workshop to make sure you have all your ducks in a row, you aren't reinventing the wheel when there are tried and true methodologies of running a campaign. My firm GreenDog Campaigns often holds workshops with candidates just to get them launched with the tools needed to be competitive. Ask others who have run before for referrals and suggestions.
7. Plan to spend the next three months in campaign immersion mode. Go to every event you can. Plan a kick-off. Start calling people for money and for endorsements. Get someone to set up a good website, have pictures taken of yourself, with family, with voters, in the environment. Get a good pair of walking shoes, and plan to eat a lot of pizza. Good luck with your first campaign, and even if you don't win this time, if you lay a solid foundation, and make a credible showing, you'll be a good position for another run in the future. Good luck!
Some resources: Besides archives of this blog, there are a few online resources that have articles and tips for the new candidate. Try some of these:
Down Ticket Dems
DYI Campaigns
Campaigns and Elections Magazine
Winning Elections Magazine
1. Be sure the office you are running for is the one for you. It's too late now, because for any office with an incumbent in it, today's the day to sign up. (If there's no candidate, you until the 16th to make that fateful decision.) Either way, you need to research the office. Is this the right one for you? Does the office match your skill set and interests? If you are a parent with small children, a school board seat may be more suited to you than the City Council, at least as a starting place. Running for County Supervisor or State Assembly member, takes a lot more know how and financial wherewithal, than a smaller office, such as community service district, sanitary district or water board. But serving in on of these small offices can equip you with the tools and understanding to move up in your next race.
2. How much will this race cost and how will I raise the money needed? Look at past races. What have people paid to win these elections? Can you raise the money needed from your circle of family, friends, colleagues, political connections? Start making a list of who you can go to first to get the early money needed, for the filing statement , for a handout that lists your main talking points and issues in the campaign. Look around for who has given before. You can get that information on the campaign financial statements on file at the local elections office, or at cal-access, the Secretary of State's financial disclosure section. You may be shocked to learn how much your particular race will cost. And remember, you will be spending a lot of time asking for money. Start practicing now. It's the personal touch that counts, not so much a go fund me page. People want to hear from the candidate, to ask their questions and satisfy themselves you can do the job, before they commit their cold hard cash.
3. Know the competition. Is there an incumbent? If so, make sure you can tell people why they should fire that person and hire you for the job instead. You must do your homework, and know why you are the better choice, and be able to convey that message in 30 seconds. That's your elevator speech. If there's no incumbent, your job just got easier, but if there is any opposition at all, make sure you can convince people you have what it takes to do the job you are asking them to vote for you to do. And do it better than the other guy.
4. How to answer that often asked question: "Why are you running for [this office]?" The question really being asked is "What can you do for me?" That's what the voters, and any potential endorsers and donors, want to know. It's not a matter of quid pro quo. You wouldn't want people to vote for you so you can do them favors. But how is your election going to make life better? Improve the school system? Keep water rates low and quality high? Keep County or City government accessible and listen to their concerns when meetings of public importance are held.
5. Seek out competent staff and volunteers. You will at the very least need someone to help you keep track of where you have to be when, who has donated, getting those thank you notes out in time, remembering names of voters and important people you are interacting with, and raising money. Ideally you will have a Kitchen Cabinet, those experts who can keep you informed on issues that you will be asked about; someone to create your handouts and mail pieces; volunteers to walk precincts and make calls on your behalf. No matter how many great ideas you have for getting things done, you need to let the voters know, and this all costs money. Social media is great, but even that must be kept up to date and someone must ensure your email blasts and news is getting out to right people.
6. Engage the help of a campaign consultant, even if it's just a short workshop to make sure you have all your ducks in a row, you aren't reinventing the wheel when there are tried and true methodologies of running a campaign. My firm GreenDog Campaigns often holds workshops with candidates just to get them launched with the tools needed to be competitive. Ask others who have run before for referrals and suggestions.
7. Plan to spend the next three months in campaign immersion mode. Go to every event you can. Plan a kick-off. Start calling people for money and for endorsements. Get someone to set up a good website, have pictures taken of yourself, with family, with voters, in the environment. Get a good pair of walking shoes, and plan to eat a lot of pizza. Good luck with your first campaign, and even if you don't win this time, if you lay a solid foundation, and make a credible showing, you'll be a good position for another run in the future. Good luck!
Some resources: Besides archives of this blog, there are a few online resources that have articles and tips for the new candidate. Try some of these:
Down Ticket Dems
DYI Campaigns
Campaigns and Elections Magazine
Winning Elections Magazine
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